


New Father

by BakaJuan



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Baby, Chasing, Escape, F/M, Humor, KAPUE, Naegi is a father, Nightmare, Runing, Togami wants to cry, Togami's hell, father - Freeform, grimace - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-14 00:49:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7145333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BakaJuan/pseuds/BakaJuan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Naegi is a father, and is proud of it, Togami run away.<br/>Humor!<br/>Inspired by the nouveau père of 'les 2 min du peuple' by François Perusse</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Father

**Author's Note:**

> This idea isn’t mine it’s from a french webradio called les 2 min du peuple de Francois Perusse, It’s very funny.

_ New father _

 

Naegi entered the office where he worked at. He saw Togami not far away and decided to greet his friend and co-worker.

 

“Oh hi Togami! How are you?” he asked.

 

“Hello Naegi. I am fine. What about you?” the blonde responded.

 

“I'm fine. Also-”

 

“And how's the child?” asked again Togami by courtesy.

 

Naegi's eyes lit up and he smiled. He always gets this excited when he's about to talk about his son. A very bad sign for Togami who immediately regreted his question.

 

“He's super fine! You see this morning-”

 

- _Oh crap-_ the heir thought.

 

“-Kyoko was giving him his puree, he looked at me and suddenly he said. He said! Listen, listen!

 

“Y-yes. Go ahead... I'm listening...” surrended Togami.

 

“He said: 'Shlatap'!” Naegi imitaded with a grimace.

 

Togami sighed, “Oh he said that?”

 

“Yes! He's six months and a half and he said: 'Shlatap!” repeated the brunette.

 

Togami knew that it would get worse if he didn't leave. He stood up from his desk. “Well, congratulations. But I must leave to the archives a-”

 

“That's not it, listen!” exclaimed Naegi, following him, “Later on, I was changing his diaper, you understand, and he said: 'ekepipipapa!”

 

“Good!” Togami said sarcastically as he was speeding up.

 

“Six months and a half and he said: 'ekepipipapa!”

 

“Great! Indeed when I was six months and a half I never said that. Listen, I really need to-”

 

“Wait for me! That's not it!”

 

“I'm in a hurry.”

 

“This morning he was staring at the puree box while Kyoko was preparing it and he said: 'KAPUE!'”

 

“Bravo.” Togami was getting more annoyed than when Syo was stalking him.

 

“Immediately when he stared at the box, heh?! KAPUE!”

 

_-I need to get out of here. Right now!-_

 

“To believe that he knew what it was because he immediately said-”

 

“HE SAID KAPUE! BYE!” shouted Togami, slamming the exit door.

 

He started walking away of the building, boiling with rage and annoyement, glaring at everyone and everything.

 

“He can go to hell that idiotic peasant and his stupid offspring who goes Kapue, I'm taking a break.” He seethed but suddenly heard the doors of the building oppening.

 

“Togami!!” called out loudly the ahoge man.

 

_-You've got to be kidding me!-_

 

“And right after that he did-”

 

 _-Lets run!-_ he started running.

 

“He did: 'Keteplufeplu'!” shouted Naegi, grimacing as he immitated his son, running behind the blonde.

 

_-And he's chasing me that fucker!-_ sweated the Togami heir, running even faster.

 

“You hear? Keteplufeplu!”

 

_-I absolutely need to lose him!-_

 

“And last week! You know he was full of drool and-”

 

“I don't want to know!” Shouted Togami to Naegi, but the brunette was too excited to listen.

 

“he did: 'Shnaigne'!” imitated Naegi again, the chased man looked back, it looked like the brunette just sneezed.

 

He grimaced at the sight, he decided to cross the street.

 

“Togami!!” shouted the new father.

 

_-He would not chase me to the other side of the street?!-_

 

“The other day in his stroller he did-”

 

“Not again...”

 

“WADLYDADLYDAA!”

 

Togami saw Hiro not far away about to enter his car. The heir didn't waste a second and ran towards the car.

 

“Togami!!”

 

_ -Everyone is looking at us!-  _ he grabbed the doorknob of the car, pulled and jumped inside the rear seats, under the surprised look of Hagakure who jumped thinking it was some weirdo. 

 

“And then he did: 'Splukanakply'!”

 

Togami closed the door and started breathing heavily from exhaustion.

 

“Oh Togamichi!” greeted Hagakure.

 

“Shut up and drive! NOW!” ordered the blonde man.

 

“What about Naegichi?”

 

“I'm running from him! QUICKLY!!” he ordered again, glaring daggers at the clairvoyant.

 

“Alright! Alright! What happened?” he asked as he started the car and left.

 

Togami looked through the back window, his eyes widened of surprise, “Jesus, he runs fast the prick. Faster!” he yelled.

 

“Hey, I can't go faster! I'm already low on points. I don't want to lose my driver's license!” whimpered Hagakure.

 

“Togamiii!”

 

“He's catching up... FASTER!” ordered with all his might the Heir.

 

“I can't!”

 

Suddenly there were knocks at the back window. Togami looked back and hold up to let out a scream.

 

“Togami! Togami!”

 

“He's clinging to the car!” almost cried the blonde man.

 

Naegi knocked again, “Once in the restaurant he did: 'Splanaenae'! Did you hear, Togami?” he knocked once more.

 

“This is a nightmare...”

 

“And then-” he knocked, “- he said: 'Puliknatapurinhaha'!”

 

“Dear Lord in Heaven...” exhasperatedly prayed Togami.

 

“Did you hear, Togami?!”

 

“You asked about his baby right?” laughed Hagakure, still driving.

 

“You don't say!” roared the heir.

 

“And then he did: 'puklikiklipukikly'!” kept shouting Naegi, still clinging on the car, knocking at the window.

 

“Talking about babies, it's fun because yesterday mine looked at me from Hina's arms and said: '¨SPLAKALA'!” exclaimed the clairvoyant, spatting on the front window.

 

“No...” Togami started sweating, looking around in despair.

 

“Togami!”, knocks, “Splinolokonokidly!”

 

“No.”

 

“And you should see when Hina breast feeds him he does some: 'flolopetoflolopetoflol'!”

 

“No!”

 

“Spookomaeda!” more knocks, “Togami!!”

 

“Spokhinatapakapi!”

 

“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”

**Author's Note:**

> And that’s it, I decided to post it here before posting it on ao3 and fanfic.net 
> 
> Hope it make you laugh. See ya soon^^


End file.
